Hi, Miss Me?

Hey blog, what's shaking? It's been a long time since since we've last spoke. And, in the immortal words of Papa Smurf, "I've been smurfin' busy lately," what with work, school back in session,  ragin' tween and pre-tween hormones that only a father could love. "It's smurfin' crazy over here."

A few observations lo' these many weeks past...

• Traffic has turned from a thin, manageable tomato bisque into a thick, hearty minestrone. It's like once school started the traffic gods slapped their hands together, activating the clapper and --boom-- traffic out the smurf. If it wasn't for my spanish podcasts, iria loco!
• The Olympics....man alive was that cool! From the opening ceremonies, to Michael Phelps' historic performance, to the after-hours, sweaty, heart-pounding, erotic ballet that was women's power lifting. Oh, and the women's beach volley ball wasn't bad either.  
• Election '08. While I'm leaning very heavily in one direction, I'm waiting for next week's GOP convention to fully make my decision. I'm intrigued by McCain's veep decision...but being a two-year governor of a state with a population roughly the size of Arlington, TX...yikes! I gotta hand it to McCain though, it's going to be interesting.
• And last but not least,  Operation "Run, FatBoy, Run" is going pretty well. For only the second time in five years I'm below the 200-pound mark...a dozen more pounds to go...(epilogue: I miss food, glorious food)  

I'll update more often...the next few months will be a ride...

Turtlenecks, An Underrated Garment

It's official...I'm old. I was having drinks with friends the other night at a happening watering hole in uptown Dallas...and it happened. I officially crossed the equatorial line that divides the recklessness of youth and the men's-one-a-day, prostate the size of a grapefruit period known as the "Oldfart-azoic" era. 

How did I come to this realization (besides the fact that I just called a bar in Uptown a "happening watering hole")? I'm sitting there drinking my imported, pretentious beer and two very young, very scantily clad women walked by. ALL I could think about was, "if my daughters EVER left the house dressed like that, I would seriously turn into the warden from The Shawshank Redemption and keep them in lock-up indefinitely." I remember a time when scantily clad women were a good thing, may I be so bold as to say a GREAT thing. Now...

So it's come this. I'm a dad of a soon to be teenage daughter and I've turned into what used to be my mortal enemy, the old-man who answers the door when the gentleman caller nervously taps the doorbell. All I have to say is he better not come during Antique Roadshow. Seriously, dudes, don't test me.

Dallas Sizzles! Dad Fizzles...

The dog days of summer have taken a bite  out of Dallas this summer. In some places in the metroplex it hit 113 degrees today. 

Yep, 113 degrees. How hot is 113 degrees? It’s so hot that when I jog at 10:30 at night,I produce enough sweat to solve the water restriction problem here in Frisco. It’s not pretty.

The 80s are back, grab the credit cards

Given the fact that I practice the ancient art of corporate marketing communications for a living, I like to point out marketing genius when I see it. This back to school ad for JC Penny is pure awesomeness. This ad is not targeted for our 11 and 12 year olds, this is targeted for all of is who can still recite all the words to The Breakfast Club and Weird Science. Much to my daughters' chagrin, I threatened to load up the wagon and drag them to the nearest JC Penny to shop nostalgic! Yea, that didn't happen. 

T.V. and Me...The Long Break-Up

T.V. and me have been involved in a long, painful separation that's nearing it's end. Three events have led to this messy split:

1. The advent of reality television - Somewhere between The Real World, Big Brother, and Flavor Flav getting his groove on, I not only lost my faith in humanity, I lost my lunch.

2. The writer's strike - Just when T.V. and I started to reconcile, Hollywood writers wanted to start getting "paid" for their hard work. Enter game shows and the paparazzi brigade keeping us up-to-date on all of Britney's and Paris' 4 a.m. head shaving and getting-out-of-the-limo-in-my-short-skirt-so-midwesterners-can-see-my-lady-business shenanigans.

3. My light bulb burst - The lamp on my HD flat panel TV went out. I was too lazy to fix it so my family and I were forced to actually talk to each other during dinner. I found out that my 11 and 8 year old daughters were dating long-haul truckers and my 4 year old soon has a tattoo of intertwined daggers on his shoulder. He's such a rebel.

So, me and TV are splitsville. From now on it's riding bikes with the kids, throwing the baseball to my son, and teaching my girls to become strong, independent women. Wait...football season starts in seven weeks? T.V., you win again.

The Fast and the Furious, Gas Guzzler Style

Last week, as I consulted my financial planner to see what assets I could liquidate to fill our gas tank for the long, strange trip to San Antonio, I heard about this concept called "hypermiling." Basically, it's the art of driving like a 90 year-old man with cataracts the size of sliding shower doors. Hey, it works. Normally, by the time we hit the San Antonio city limits we have less than a quarter tank of gas. After hypermiling the living crapola out of our V8 Nissan Armada (Armada being Spanish for "Exxon's best friend"), we actually made it to San Antonio with MORE than half a tank left. Here's how it works...

>> The first step toward saving gas and increasing mpg: Always know your gas mileage after each visit to the gas pump.

>> The second step: do you drive agressively but not know it?

>> The third step: How long are you sitting still at red lights?

>> The fourth step: Keeping yourself moving in traffic congestion

>> The fifth step: Slowly accelerate after stops

>> The sixth step: Your cruise control saves gas (but not by using it they way you might think)

Happy driving, hippies!

Timing is everything! This article is from today's (7/8/08) Dallas Morning News. I'm not the only one...whew!